Hit the Wall

While I would love to claim i'm feeling as content as my furry child Melanchthon pictured here, that would be by far the falsest statement I have made in my 29 years here on earth. Mel is indeed curled up here at my feet, happy and as lazy as ever. All three of my fur-children continue on today as they do everyday; eating, sleeping, getting up only to use the restroom when it is deemed absolutely necessary.

Today I have finally hit my wall. I awoke this morning realizing the second I opened my eyes it was not going to be a good day. While it is Monday (usually good news as it is my day off) the news was not good as the pain was immediate. The nerves around my eyes were immediately shooting pain just at the movement of my eyelids.

I went to physical therapy which helped for a little while. I then went to another doctor appointment where we decided I should start to wean off topamax since it is not helping at all (on for migraine symptoms). The drive is two hours each way to this doctor appointment; part of the joy of living in the rural part of the country.

I have been in tears all day. My pain levels have been a bit nuts and I think my emotions have gotten the better of me. I'm at that place where you hit the wall and everything comes tumbling down. I've done a fairly decent job of keeping up a front for people so they don't seen just how bad things really are. I'm wondering how well i'll do with that now that the floodgates have opened. I can't seem to stop crying anymore. The littlest things are causing me to cry now.

I'm hoping and praying my emotional and physical health can hang on just a bit longer...at least till we get to surgery. I need to stay strong for the sake of keeping my job and my sanity.