Almost 8 months post op; wow!!

Hello Everyone,

My goodness, I am SO sorry I have neglected the blog for this long! Life has been so busy lately with job changes and the like.

I am doing well in my non-TMJ related life. For those who asked, yes, I am in the midst of making some career changes. At the moment I am working a regular, poor paying job as a nanny to a beautiful two year old girl. This has been a good opportunity for me to appreciate that I do not do this for a regular living! While I LOVE being with this little girl, I miss the challenges, blessings, and opportunities to serve as a pastor. On January 24th, I have an interview for a chaplain residency position at the largest hospital in our area. Please, if you are able, say a quick prayer (or two) for me. This is my passion and I have been dreaming of doing this for many, many years. I am both excited and nervous to begin this part of my journey. If this particular hospital does not work out, I will be applying to others with the hopes of getting in to a good program.

In the TMJ world, things have been up and down. I am certainly still much better than I was prior to surgery, but some days feel like I have taken a thousand steps back. Last month I was kicked in the jaw (along one of my incisions) by a toddler at the daycare (used to work there). This seems to have set my recovery back quite a bit. Since then, I have had popping, clicking, and crunching noises return. I fear at least one disc may be displaced, but couldn't be sure without seeing the doctor.

My pain has been increasing as well, but of it I imagine is muscular. While I have been taking the steps to keep my stress at bay in the hopes of preventing the muscle pain, sometimes it just comes on no matter what! The plan at this point is to try and find a physical therapist willing to help me. I don't have insurance so cannot get a referral and payment would be a bit tough. I'm praying I can find something.

Other than that I really am doing well though. I know it sounds funny after all that but it is true! I am still better than before surgery and pray any further aggressive treatment can be put off for a long time. Whether that is the case, I don't know, but right now everything is one day at a time.

So, that is it for now! I will try and do better about updating, I promise. Since my jaw is giving me more grief I am sure it will be a loud and unwelcome reminder to keep you posted. *smile*

-Laura

Oh, and Melissa, YES! I would love to talk with you further. You are welcome to email me at: aandjfriends@yahoo.com if you would like to keep in touch. I will be praying for you and hope your appointment went well.

Okay, so maybe I did!

Sorry everyone, I know, I know, I promised to update soon and didn't! Things have been a bit nuts around here. I am moving back to Seattle so am busy saying goodbyes and packing. I leave on Friday and there is SO much to do!

I am doing pretty darn good with my recovery. I am now about 9 weeks out and am still maintaining between a 35-42mm opening as long as I keep up on my exercises and don't get too stressed. After I gave my notice to the congregations I had a doctor appointment and the stressed caused my opening to go down to 32mm. Lesson learned; exercise, exercise, exercise! That therabite is a miracle worker, i'm telling you!

Pain wise it gets better and better. I am still struggling with what i'm pretty sure is scar tissue, it feels like I have tight bands connected from my skull to my jaw joints. Each time I open or move my jaw side to side they pull. I'm sure this will go away with time and again...exercise. When I wake up I usually hurt quite a bit from the evil clenching, but once I get the therabite out and take my 800mg motrin and the muscle relaxant it calms down.

The stress of moving has definitely taken its toll, but I know once i'm able to relax a bit i'll see improvement. I was doing better before the move, that is for sure.

One of the cool things is I now have movement in both eyebrows! They are still weak but keep improving. I can also feel almost all of my face now, but have pin prick type feeling in my left cheek and some of my right. This is an awful feeling but again, will get better with time. My doctor keeps reminding me it takes a while for things to get better.

I will update again (with all the pictures missing) as soon as I am settled in Seattle. Hopefully next week I can get this done. Thank you for your patience with everything. I'm glad to know people still come to this blog to check in and to find information.

Ten Days and Counting

Wow, thank you so much for all the sweet comments and prayers. Sue, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Your family is certainly in my prayers.

I am ten days away from surgery and the reality of it is beginning to hit. I have been busy nesting away, trying to get the house under control. Hopefully it will be neat and tidy before surgery so i'm able to relax and not worry about keeping it up.

My pain fluctuates from day to day. I have had a few good days recently which has been a blessing. It really is a rollercoaster ride and I just try to take it as it comes.

Work has been a bit tough to keep up with. I'm thankful that while I feel a bit behind, things are still getting accomplished. My goal over the next week is to get everything ready for my recovery. This includes writing a number of sermons and making sure all my homebound parishioners are visited. I think it can get done!

I'll be taking two weeks off and I pray this is enough. I know the recovery will be much longer, but I really cannot afford more than that. I pray i'm able to keep up over the summer. My concern heightens for my June schedule as i'll be at camp with my youth for a week at the end of the month and there is synod assembly only 2 1/2 weeks after surgery. Again, this will include pacing myself and taking breaks when needed.

So, that is it for now. Nothing too excited, just a lot of preparing and waiting. Thank you so much for stopping in. It means so much to know people are praying.

A Date with Destiny!

Hooray, hooray, I finally have a date! While it is not 100% confirmed, my surgeon is 98% certain surgery will be on May 20th. This is later than we had hoped, but coordinating with two surgeons and a hospital is a challenge. Praise God the waiting for a date is finally over!

Things around here have been fairly stagnant as i've waited. My pain has been not so hot, but thankfully my happy pills help when needed. I try to hold back as much as possible on them, but seem to be in greater need as the weeks pass on.

I was thankfully able to make it through Easter, a rummage sale at the church, and a 30 Hour Famine program with the youth over the last three weeks. These events were something I was dreading, as I didn't know if i'd be able to function at them. I'm so grateful they went well and I was able to go into autopilot to get through them. And even though I didn't feel so hot, I enjoyed the time with my parishioners. The Famine was especially amazing; the youth raised enough money for World Vision to feed a child for 8 1/2 yrs!

So now is the time to begin making all my preparations for surgery. After I get the final word on Thursday, we will be buying a plane ticket to fly my older sister out to help me through the surgery and the first few days at home. I wish she could stay longer, but as she is expecting her first child, she needs to get back to work to save up time for maternity leave. I'm incredibly grateful she is willing to come. My Aunt was going to be here for the surgery but since the date was moved back, she is unable due to work commitments. I hope she can come out for a fun visit soon though!

My house is a wreck but slowly i'm working through the chaos to get it cleaned prior to surgery. It would not be fun to have a messy house during recovery. There is so much to do to get it in shape I wonder how in the world it will happen! Plus the cupboards need to be filled with the proper mushy, liquid type food with a few chewable meals for my sister.

It is such a relief to know the end is in sight. It makes the pain much more bearable. I'm praying so hard this surgery will be the answer i've been looking for. My body needs a break from this. I know more treatment is inevitable in the future, but if there can be some sort of reprieve, i'm happy.

News in terms of recovery was discussed in greater detail with the surgeon today. He told me for the first 8 weeks or so, I will have appointments with him every 1-2 weeks. That is going to require a great deal of driving to Baltimore; should be fun! He also stated that when I am discharged from the hospital after surgery, I will have to go to his office for an appointment before going home. This makes me even more grateful to have my sister here. It would be a long day for one of my parishioners and I don't know who I could find that had enough time to help with it.

He stated it is going to be a long recovery from surgery. I have concerns about this happening so late in May. At the beginning of June I have a three day conference to attend wtih the synod. Then, the third week of June I have a week of confirmation camp with the youth. We talked at length about taking the proper precautions and limitations while there. I don't know how i'm going to do it as i'll still be in physical therapy three days a week, plus will most likely have an appointment in Baltimore. A lot to discuss and think about with coworkers.

Alright, it is 5am and I have yet to sleep. My jaw has not been happy and it seems some of my meds that used to make me drowsy get me wired. It is odd and frustrating. I laid in bed all night and just now turned on the computer in hopes that it would make me sleepy. It seems to be helping a bit. This lack of sleeping means I will be unable to make it into the office this morning. Ugh...more ways in which TMD gets in the way of living. Bummer.

The ER and moving ahead

Well, it has been quite the week! My pain has been getting worse and worse, and of course my schedule gets busier and busier. I really think stress takes it toll!

As my pain has gotten worse, my meds are working less and less. In regards to pain meds, I ended up in the ER the other day with severe pain. Turned out I had a UTI on top of the jaw problems, which the doctor thinks actually was making my jaw pain worse. Sooo, she prescribed pergaset and of course an antibiotic.

And whew, well the pergaset works pretty well. Pain starting breaking through again after about the first dose though. At least it got me down a couple notches on the pain scale. I'm back trying vicodin now to see how it works.

I went to see my surgeon today. He wasn't too pleased I had to go on pergaset as it is the med he wants me on after surgery. We worked it out to where I take the vicodin the majority of time, and the pergaset only when really bad break-through pain happens. I think that is a good deal. He also said he doesn't expect the neurontin to work as it is a structural issue (another doc prescribed this earlier in the week). He says his patients have never really responded to it. Oh well, I guess i'll keep taking it and see what happens. I am not sure though, I may stop. We'll see, i'm too indecisive right now!

Surgery looks like it will be in 3-4 weeks. The big wait is with the insurance. He put an "urgent" request on it to try and move it along. After insurance approves it he said it will only be a matter of maybe two weeks at most before surgery happens. All he needs to do is coordinate it with the other surgeon and book the room. It felt really, really good to hear the number "3-4 week". I actually feel now like it might happen. I'm praying there are no problems with my insurance. I wouldn't imagine there would be as we have put in the time and treatments that are necessary. They say they cover this type of surgery so they better!

While i'm excited i'm also a bit anxious. I have so many things going on this month, including a major youth program at that 3 week mark. My Aunt is also planning to fly out from Seattle to help me the first few days. I hope the lack of notice is still okay with her. In regards to the youth event, I figure this surgery is the priority with everything. If the three week mark is the only date available for the surgeons within a reasonable time period, i'll take it. I have plenty of capable people in my congregation to run the program. I really pray the surgery doesn't have to land on that date, but you have to do what you have to do. I'm shooting for April 29th, as that would be the best date for all of us involved.

Thank you for all your prayers. While my pain is still terrible, this appointment did lift my spirits a bit. He said this would be the last appointment prior to surgery and I wouldnt see him again till the operating room. Pretty awesome and overwhelming all in one! Now it is just physical therapy, getting all the meds, preparing the house and foods, and doing the pre-surgery physical and blood work. Fun times!

Getting Ready

Alas, I promise more frequent updates and I drop off the center of the earth again. I'm sorry about this but at least it is somewhat good news.

I am nearing the month mark (Thursday) with the new splint. The good news is I have moved past the crying everyday stage. My pain level has dropped about a point. Instead of sitting between a 9 and 10, I now fluctuate in the range of 7-8 (usually close to an 8). It has really helped me to continue with work, which is a blessing because i've been really worried about my job.

This week has been a little rougher than the past three. The nerve pain seems to be getting a bit worse. It is difficult now to lay with my head to one side, as I have some shooting pain. This is new and I don't know why it has started. My arm/wrist is also getting much worse. We aren't sure still if this is something related or not and won't know until after surgery (which isn't 100% determined yet but am pretty certain it will happen). I'm praying this rougher week is just a fluke and I can get back to the lower end of my pain (come on 6!).

With this small drop in pain i've been able to take less medication. I no longer have to be on it 24 hrs a day, though have yet to go through a day without something. Thankfully the narcotics sit there and are not touched everyday; they are only used for emergencies. Really, it is muscle relaxants and prescription motrin. I'm hoping the doctor might prescribe something nerve related at the next appointment, as that is where most of the pain is now.

My next appointment is this upcoming Monday with the oral surgeon. I'm somewhat nervous about it and don't completely know why. I wish my pain was better than it is. This 10-15% drop in pain is not enough to prevent surgery. I wish it was but I don't think I can live my life like this for long term. While i'm celebrating not crying everyday, I still hurt and struggle to function well. Without the pills, 24hr splint, soft food diet, and physical therapy 3X a week, I don't know what i'd do. I'm really tired of hurting all the time.

So, that is the update for now. I am praising God that I am able to function in my job though am praying for less pain so I can be an even better pastor. If you could pray with me on this it would be greatly appreciated. Hope you all are doing well and will be keeping you in my prayers.

The Overplanner

Some may consider me an overly-annoying planner. While in most areas of my life I am a chaotic mess, when it comes to planning out my future, well...let's just say the OCD traits come flying out.

It seems whenever something "big" is coming up, I tend to research things to death, always laying out the "what-if's" and having some sort of plan in place in case, A, B, or C happen. It is not neccesarily because I am worried about something or even excited; it is just what I do to get my brain in order. I actually find it to have a calming effect on me.

This trait in me has especially been prevalent when it comes to my health. I've seen it in its crowning glory on days when my TMD pain it at it's worst. Maybe it is a coping mechanism, but I tend to overdo it sometimes.

As my jaw has been so bad lately, especially as the clock ticks closer to my surgeon appointment, I have been doing more of my "what if" planning. I guess it is because I know the door of my future can swing in so many directions.

My work requires my jaw to work quite well, as I am a public speaker. Those I work with have been divided in terms of support while my health has progressively gotten worse. I do worry about what will happen when surgery comes calling, and of course what will happen if things don't go in a positive direction afterward. What if I do require more surgeries in the future? What if I have to look into alternative lines of work later in life?

I was silly to voice some of these things to a family member tonight. Bad idea, I know. I am learning those around you do not want to hear what the little voice in your head is thinking. While you may think it is logical to make lists in your head, research surgical procedures, doctors, etc online...not everyone does. My thinking ahead brings soothing and comfort to me but to my others it may simply tell them that I am neurotic and expecting the worst.

I wonder sometimes if this is a normal reaction to such life events? Do others do such planning and research in the midst of possible surgeries or other life-altering situations?

I think next time I do my research or have my thoughts, maybe i'll just blog about it rather than telling my loved ones. It may be a bit safer. :-)