An Hour After My Last Post

Wow, the bruising around my eyes is getting much worse. My left eye will only open about halfway now. Looks like i've been in a bar fight!

The First Three Days

So i'm finally going to try and blog a bit about the surgery. I'm still in quite a bit of pain but am laying off on taking more meds until I get something on here!

Below are some pictures from surgery. I'm sorry they are not better but it was the best I could do. I had both sides done but it is kind of hard to tell because of the swelling and the fact I was taking the pictures myself. I really couldn't tell what I was doing!

The surgery was scheduled to start around 1pm but didn't begin until around 2ish (I think). Total the surgery was around 4 hours and 20 minutes, give or take. It was expected to take about 3 hours but we knew going in it could be longer.

Everything went as well as could be for the surgery. My doctor said the disks were in decent shape and they were able to reattach them on both sides. The stitches look amazing so I know everything will look great once I heal. I'm so grateful I have such a skilled surgeon with an excellent team he trusts.

When I awoke from surgery, the first thing I remember is a lot of pain. It felt like hot knives being driven through my face. I cannot remember another surgery where I felt this way. Thankfully the nurse was on hand with dilaudid and continued to pump it into my system. They were not supposed to give me high doses at a time due to the fact I was still coming out of anesthesia. However, because the pain was not able to be controlled she eventually called the anesthesiologist who gave consent for a higher dose. Once that hit I was fine. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep my sats up without oxygen so I stayed on it throughout the night. In the morning I was able to come off though. This was good because it was beginning to look like another night in the hospital may be on the table!

Day One

The night in the hospital was pretty rough. I wasn't able to sleep hardly at all. My pain would go down for a short period of time, allowing me to pass out, only to be woken up again by a full bladder, pain, or a nurse. I just couldn't get comfortable with the air pumps on my legs, tubes, ice packs leaking, and of course the pain. I was grateful when morning arrived!

Day Two

A side view (I was a bit drugged and couldn't get the other side!)

Day two started out with finally getting the oxygen off and we moved on to oral pain meds. I was worried about the switch because the night was so awful, but thankfully everything worked out fine. I realized once the morning shift came in I hadn't eaten since Wednesday night (about 40 hours). Suddenly I was starving!

The nurses told me I had to order food on my own and they had a room service menu. I am on a pureed diet so I knew my options would be limited. I called the number and, barely able to speak, did my best to get my info across. The lady on the other end said I needed my nurse to still put the orders in. So, I called back to the nurses station and they said they'd look into it. I didn't get a call back which I learned throughout the night usually meant nothing was done. I fell asleep for a little bit then was awoken by getting my blood pressure and such taken.

Thankfully, I was then able to order some food and opted for applesauce and yogurt. I was able to eat the applesauce but could barely get a couple spoonfuls of yogurt. My stomach was just not ready.

The rest of the morning went smooth and by 12:30 I was discharged. I had to go to my doctors office before heading home so my friend and I journeyed there. Unfortunately his office was packed due to my surgery pushing appointments back and his in office surgeries that morning.

About twenty minutes into the wait, I started feeling funny. I went up to the receptionist and asked her if I would be waiting a while. She said probably and I all of a sudden felt extremely weird and asked her if there was anywhere I could lie down. I started shaking and crying uncontrollably, which was both embarassing and felt out of the blue.

She took me to the back and they figured my blood sugar dropped from not eating. I was also in pain, hadn't slept, and had just been discharged, so all of that topped on each other through my body into a whirlwind. I had some juice and about 40 minutes later calmed down. I think it freaked us all out!

My post op appointment went well after that. He did find that even with the plugs they put in your ears I got a lot of blood down my ear canal, especially on the left side. My hearing is very minimal at the moment due to the insane swelling. I can't really hear at all out of the left and just a bit on the right. Also, I have paralysis of the forehead all the way to my eyebrows and a bit on the sides of my eyes. This should be temporary, only about 1% of cases is it not. The reason for this is all 5 major facial nerves run along your jaw line. It is to be expected you'll come out with some kind of temporary paralysis. It just makes me feel like I had botox!

Outside of chipmunk cheeks and those other issues, I am doing fine. The pain is for the most part able to be controlled. The drive home that day was a bit rough, but made better by a really liquidy vanilla milkshake from Chick-fil-A (liquidy by request and eaten with a spoon). It was still a very long three hour drive home, but I made it better than I could have imagined.

Day Three

As you can see by the pictures, my smile is a bit crooked. The swelling is much greater on the left than the right. Also, today I have developed bruising under my eyes. Surprisingly you can't really see this in the picture but it is very noticeable in person. Actually, everything looks calmer in pictures! :)

Today I woke up and every muscle and bone hurt in my body. It feels like i've been through a triathalon. If I didn't know better, I would have thought I spent the last week doing a thousand sit ups a day! Thankfully, meds help with this but it is very, very hard to get comfortable.

I have found today I am much hungrier than the last two days. I think my body is calling out for some happy calories and protein to build me back up again. Already i've lost 5 pounds, probably due to all the fluid i've lost. My diet is consisting of applesauce, baby food, and pure liquid soups. Oh yeah, and I had a popsicle tonight, which was the perfect end to the evening!

I've been using my therabite since last night. My doctor had me set it at 20mm and, while it hurts, i'm doing very well on it. I was scared to have such a high setting already, but i'm able to work it perfectly. Before surgery, my average opening was around 15mm, though on good days I could get to 23 ish. Normal minimum opening is 35-40, which is our goal. So far this is a great start.

My ears are also getting better in terms of the blood (I know, gross topic) and the stitches are very clean thanks to my friend helping with that. I still can't see them so it is hard to clean myself.

The big problem is i'm having trouble seeing a bit due to the swelling around my eyes. My left eye feels a bit droopy but this evening i've had some little tremors in it. I think this is a good sign that some of the nerve function is coming back. I just don't feel like I can shut tightly and the left eye waters a lot. I look forward to the swelling going down. I hate the feeling of my ear being swollen shut and not being able to work the eyes well.

So, that is about all I can handle posting for now. I'm doing well, just sore, tired, dizzy, and loopy. I have a ways to go before I will be back to full functioning but it is a good start. Thank you again for all the prayers. I hope by my journaling someone else will benefit. I know how desperately I wanted a blog that detailed this kind of information before my surgery. If there are any questions out there, please don't hesitate to ask!

Surgery is Over!

Hello everyone,

I got home from Baltimore around 8pm tonight. Everything went well; I have a few complications but the surgery itself couldn't have gone better. It was supposed to be about 3 hours but lasted 4 1/2. That extra time must have been important; i'm just grateful they were able to save the discs and I should have a great descrease in pain.

I'm really out of sorts right now; tired, dizzy, and hurting a bit. I will do my best to post a real blog with pictures tomorrow, so be on the lookout.

Thank you so very much for your thoughts and prayers. They have helped tremendously and I look forward to sharing a detailed account of my journey with you.

Blessings,

Laura

It's Time!

Well, i'm about to head out to Baltimore to prepare for surgery. My friend and I are going down a day early so that we can relax and settle in. Surgery will be Thursday at 1pm. I am to be at the hospital at 11am to get ready. I wish it was earlier as i'm sure i'll be STARVING, but my doctor wanted the afternoon in case the surgery went long.

I feel quite ready. I know it is time to get this fixed so i'm not too nervous at all. The bummer is I ended up with what looks like Sciatica this weekend. I actually spent Sunday night to Monday morning in the ER because the pain was so bad. They thought it was kidney stones but thankfully it wasn't. The pain started in my right side and back but now is going down my leg. So, this adds on a fun dynamic to the week! Thankfully though i'll be in bed quite a bit the next two weeks which I hear should help the problem.

I will keep you posted as I recover. I plan to post pictures to help those who may be facing this in the future. I know how desperately I wanted to find detailed testimonials to this surgery so will do my best to provide a resource for others.

Thank you for following my journey and praying for me. It is much appreciated! I should be home by Friday afternoon to early evening so keep a look out. If I can, i'll post from the hospital if there is internet and my brain is in tact enough...ha ha!

Yay Preop!

Today marks the week away mark for surgery. This morning I went to my primary care physician for a physical and blood work. Thankfully, all seems well, not that I was concerned. It was good to hear my doctor affirm this was a good decision. He is quite conservative and is definitely not an advocate of surgery. For this, however, he said, "it is time". That was all I needed to feel at ease.

I've been jumping back and forth the last few weeks about my decision. I think a lot of it has to do with the controversy surrounding TMJ surgery. There are a great number of people out there who believe oral surgeons are not specialists for TMJ and the only treatment one should have is conservative, particularly with neuromuscular dentists.

While I believe NM dentists work for some, they do not solve the problems caused by structural damage. I asked a world renowned oral surgeon from the UK about this, and he affirmed what I believe. The only way to solve the problems I have, especially since they are related to trauma, is surgery.

I'm starting to feel better and better about my decision. I know my surgeon is very skilled and would only recommend this if it there was a good chance of dealing with the problem. I still have some anxiety related to the possible side effects, such as facial paralysis (normally temporary), and the possibilities of more surgery. But at the same time, when asked by my doctor this morning if the risks were worth it, I replied "absolutely". I cannot live like this anymore.

So, as long as my bloodwork comes back within normal range, i'll be moving ahead with surgery next Thursday at 1pm. The friend who is helping and I will head to Baltimore Wednesday. This will save us from having to deal with crazy traffic plus a lack of sleep. I have to be at the hospital by 11am so it is better to not drive that long distance the same day.

Right now i'm working on more nesting and filling my netflix queue with good movies and television series. I almost got rid of my Direct TV back in January and i'm so glad I didn't! I know i'll be watching it a lot over the coming weeks and months.

If you have any suggestions, i'm trying to think about what my "last meal" will be the night before surgery. I will be on a liquid diet for 1-2 weeks, then a "no chew" diet for anywhere from weeks to months. After that it is soft food and then normal food. I could be without normal food from anywhere from 4-6 months, maybe longer (hopefully not!). What would you eat if you knew it was your last real meal?

Ten Days and Counting

Wow, thank you so much for all the sweet comments and prayers. Sue, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Your family is certainly in my prayers.

I am ten days away from surgery and the reality of it is beginning to hit. I have been busy nesting away, trying to get the house under control. Hopefully it will be neat and tidy before surgery so i'm able to relax and not worry about keeping it up.

My pain fluctuates from day to day. I have had a few good days recently which has been a blessing. It really is a rollercoaster ride and I just try to take it as it comes.

Work has been a bit tough to keep up with. I'm thankful that while I feel a bit behind, things are still getting accomplished. My goal over the next week is to get everything ready for my recovery. This includes writing a number of sermons and making sure all my homebound parishioners are visited. I think it can get done!

I'll be taking two weeks off and I pray this is enough. I know the recovery will be much longer, but I really cannot afford more than that. I pray i'm able to keep up over the summer. My concern heightens for my June schedule as i'll be at camp with my youth for a week at the end of the month and there is synod assembly only 2 1/2 weeks after surgery. Again, this will include pacing myself and taking breaks when needed.

So, that is it for now. Nothing too excited, just a lot of preparing and waiting. Thank you so much for stopping in. It means so much to know people are praying.

How Many More Days??

Ooooh, the pain is bad bad bad tonight! After worship services and then taking one of my youth out to Slinky Action Zone and dinner, I can barely take it. Even with pain meds, i've got the good 'ole throbbing and intense aches going on. I cannot WAIT for this to be over!

Earlier this week, my PT got me worried and a bit neurotic again. He said he thinks i'm putting a lot of stock into the surgery. I asked him if he didn't think this was going to work. He replied that he doesn't really know, but he does think that going in and messing with things doesn't usually help. I think he was just having an off day, because really, surgery does help many, many people. Like all the knees he sees in his practice; without joint replacement and such, those people wouldn't be able to walk like they do. I did get concerned though, because as we all know, there are so many forums out there that are radically against TMJ surgery. You read those horror stories and worry it will become you.

I believe i'm making the right decision for the most part, but there is still that side of me that worries. I don't want to damage myself anymore than I am. I also know however, that to live like this the rest of my life would not bring about a quality life. I will be turning 30 in July and to think i'll be in pain like this forever is a terrible, awful thought. I cannot spend my life on muscle relaxants, pain killers, nerve pain meds, etc. I need the chance to live joyfully. To be in this much pain after playing laser tag and going out to eat is ridiculous. I barely made it out the door let along through the four hours I spent with my youth. That is no way to live.

On a side note, my sister is no longer able to come out to help with surgery. However, a wonderful former classmate of mine from seminary is able to help. She has faced many health concerns herself, so will be a great person to be with throughout recovery. I'm so thankful for the many awesome people in my life who give so selflessly.