How Many More Days??

Ooooh, the pain is bad bad bad tonight! After worship services and then taking one of my youth out to Slinky Action Zone and dinner, I can barely take it. Even with pain meds, i've got the good 'ole throbbing and intense aches going on. I cannot WAIT for this to be over!

Earlier this week, my PT got me worried and a bit neurotic again. He said he thinks i'm putting a lot of stock into the surgery. I asked him if he didn't think this was going to work. He replied that he doesn't really know, but he does think that going in and messing with things doesn't usually help. I think he was just having an off day, because really, surgery does help many, many people. Like all the knees he sees in his practice; without joint replacement and such, those people wouldn't be able to walk like they do. I did get concerned though, because as we all know, there are so many forums out there that are radically against TMJ surgery. You read those horror stories and worry it will become you.

I believe i'm making the right decision for the most part, but there is still that side of me that worries. I don't want to damage myself anymore than I am. I also know however, that to live like this the rest of my life would not bring about a quality life. I will be turning 30 in July and to think i'll be in pain like this forever is a terrible, awful thought. I cannot spend my life on muscle relaxants, pain killers, nerve pain meds, etc. I need the chance to live joyfully. To be in this much pain after playing laser tag and going out to eat is ridiculous. I barely made it out the door let along through the four hours I spent with my youth. That is no way to live.

On a side note, my sister is no longer able to come out to help with surgery. However, a wonderful former classmate of mine from seminary is able to help. She has faced many health concerns herself, so will be a great person to be with throughout recovery. I'm so thankful for the many awesome people in my life who give so selflessly.